Every Magic: The Gathering Player You’ll Play Against

Did you hear? A draft is coming to your local comics store! This a great chance to grab a couple friends, make some new ones, check out the new release, and try out your black blue artifact deck in friendlies. But before you grab your dice bag and decide your deck alternates, we gotta talk about expectations. There isn’t just ANYONE going to this draft. We got some heavy hitters and characters you need to look out for. And that’s exactly why I’m here.


Name: Todd

Class: Beginner

Deck: White Green ???

Ah, you remember when you were in his shoes. He’s a great person to play in casual, having yet to be completely engulfed into the MTG elitist black hole. You can have conversations about non-nerd stuff with him; he knows what a pass interference in football means for God’s sake! Expect him to always ask about the rules, as he still thinks two colorless and one color mana cost means two colored mana. He’s had the win condition card in his hand the entire time. After a while, you should move on to other people, as 20 stocking is only fun for so long.


Name: Grant

Class: Chaotic Beginner

Deck: White Flyers

Grant puts all his lands in a pile. How does he remember which ones are tapped? He probably doesn’t. Watch him to make sure he doesn’t scry whenever he wants. He’s not a cheater, and he means well, but you never feel like you earned any of your wins against him. Trade him for his good cards while he doesn’t know their worth yet.


Name: Emily

Class: Girl

Deck: Blue White Tokens

I know what you’re going to say, and yes, she is more than her gender. But to the two dozen manchildren, she’s their next wife with no take backs. She has some really good cards, and once you talk to her, she’s really cool. There’s a good chance the other neckbeards will drive her away for good, and that makes you feel sad. Yes, you should feel sad, and yes, she has a boyfriend.


Name: Adam

Class: The Champion

Deck: Blue Red Burn/Mill

You knew this was coming. He doesn’t talk much, but it’s been two rounds and you’re already at 15 life. His red haste goblins with first strike are almost unfair. He counters everything you put out; it’s like you’re not even playing the game. He’s not a d*** about it, so you don’t feel as bad when he 20 stocks you. Now you know what it’s like to be Todd. His sleeves have a logo on them you’ve never seen before.


Name: Josh

Class: Anal

Deck: Green Mana Ramp

Do you HAVE to play him? If you want a share of the pool money, you sure do. When he plays an instant, it’s like the entire universe has to stop so he can think. He’ll never question his own moves, but if you do something off the beaten path, he demands the store owner trudge to the table and approve it. Beating him will give you greater joy than beating Adam ever would. His girlfriend takes up space next to him, and isn’t playing.


Name: Bryan

Class: Legacy Child

Deck: Blue Spell Deck

Everything from his dice to his mat and sleeves have the same color. Bryan has the hookup, and is not afraid to let you know. Oh no...are you going to get bodied again? You just started winning! No worries, he’s about 75% exterior. When it comes to playing experience, he’s only a couple steps above Todd. He’s the track guy who buys all the toys and gives it up once it gets too hard. It’ll take sooner than you think. He has already left and didn’t even take the free pack. You’ll never see him again.


And finally…


YOU


Your deck’s gone toe to toe with your little brother’s deck, and has gone great. You get bodied in the first round, but have some more luck in the second round. You get a single win, and it means more than you thought it would. You don’t get any cards you can use for your decks, and no one wants to trade with you. You still had a lot of fun.

Congratulations, you’re ready! Get out there and have a good time, because that’s the important part (don’t listen to Bryan). Enjoy it while you can, and once again, give Todd a break.


Written by Gabe Straight

Troika Online Media
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